Weeks slipped by. Wraith demanded excellence in his training – one wrong step and he pressed the advantage, his practice blade slapping the side of her helm or bruising her arm or leg in stern reprimand. The same was true as he taught her the lance. During their tilts, he’d knock her harshly to the ground whenever she let her shield slip and leave an opening. But he never stopped offering new wisdom and experience. Whenever she fell with the wind knocked from her, he waited patiently as she gathered her wits and took his outstretched hand. Once she dusted herself off and lifted her weapon and shield again, he’d smile and make a few suggestions before they started again.
With endless work filling her days and night after night of collapsing into her bed in exhaustion, Elly found it easy to dismiss the odd feelings that kept creeping to the surface of her thoughts. But it slowly became harder to quell her admiration. Wraith was everything she aspired to be. Honorable. Proud. Intelligent and just. Skilled at arms but always using diplomacy before force. Everything any knight should be. She felt a tiny thrill each time his tall form came into view, his dark hair spilling over his shoulders and a welcoming smile crossing that handsome face. More than once she had had to quickly excuse herself on some silly task to escape his gaze and slow the pounding of her heart.
“You’re mooning about like a child,” she chided herself. Not only was he older than she, he was her knight. Her mentor. “He has a hundred times the skill and experience you’ll ever have. You’re just a fool girl that he’s trying to turn into a soldier worthy of knighthood.”
But she swore that she had seen him staring at her – at times when he thought she wasn’t watching. And while helping him into his armor, she wasn’t imagining the way his hands pulled away hastily if hers brushed them. Was she?
Confused by her duty and the strange allure to Wraith, she clung to her duties and told herself sternly that he was just her assigned knight. The man who would train her and eventually set her on her own. The man who would take on another squire and train them just as he was training her. The man who had a dozen beautiful women at court whispering and giggling every time we walked by.
And yet every morning Elly would wake early and slip quietly into the practice yard. A hay stack near the wall made a perfect place to huddle unseen and watch. Before the rest of the keep woke, Wraith was there, greeting the cool dawn wearing little more than a light tunic and sturdy leggings. As the sun crept over the horizon, his sword slowly traced through the air following a series of exercises. Plumes of his breath fogged the small yard as the exercise gradually picked up in tempo. Elly watched in awe as he dipped and weaved in a complex dance. The grace of his movement fascinated her – sword, muscle, and heart moving in unison. The knight always finished just as the sun lifted over the bailey wall. As soon as he gathered his things and stepped back toward his quarters, Elly would scurry back to the barracks, her face flushed with shame for intruding on him even as she knew she’d be there the next dawn.
She just bit her tongue and plunged herself deeper into the training.
************
How could she have missed the change? The way he curtailed their conversations sharply just when they started to laugh and jest. The way his lessons became more distant or how he would turn her over to other tutors on a myriad of excuses. The only time he truly seemed at ease around her was in the midst of their sparring, when his eyes gleamed with approval as she met him more often blow for blow. But outside of that, he left her on her own more and more. She tried her best to accept the new routine of lonely guard shifts and roving patrols. Life at Stark Keep was harsher than Northwood. Every soldier had to do their part, and now an experienced squire, Elly had plenty of duties to attend.
So she wasn’t prepared when the news came.
Clutching Lord Sterling’s message tightly in her hand, Elly raced back to the keep. The note had been simple, but why call a squire home personally from patrol unless it was urgent?
She darted through the halls, sweeping by soldiers and commoners. She took the stairs to the nobles’ floor two at a time, barely slipping past servants and courtiers. Panting for breath, she skidded to a halt outside Lord Sterling’s quarters and ran a shaky hand through her hair. Regaining some composure, she tucked his note into her belt and knocked on the door.
“Come in.”
Elly opened the door carefully and then closed it firmly behind herself. She barely noticed the sparse furnishings of the room – even the highest nobles lived simply at Stark. Instead, she focused on the Count as he stood next to a small fireplace. He’d been poking at the fire with an iron rod, but he set it aside once he saw who had entered. Her heart shrank at the ashen look to his face. Something was very wrong. “Milord? You wanted to see me?”
He waved her to a chair. Biting her lip, Elly approached but declined the offer to sit. She stood quietly at attention, her throat tightening in worry.
“Elyriel… I wish I had better news for you.”
She didn’t know how she kept her knees from shaking. Swallowing hard, she squared her shoulders. “Tell me plainly, milord.”
He nodded. “Very well.” His eyes met hers with a level gaze. “John Wraith has disappeared. The guards say he left this morning – leaving no word with anyone.” His voice softened just barely. “I don’t think he intends to return.”
Elly felt the blood drain from her face. Won’t be returning? Her mind raced. Where would he go? Why would he leave? “If he’s in trouble,” she said in growing alarm, “I’ll find him, sir…”
Sterling shook his head. “He’s gone, Elyriel. He left.” He sighed heavily and sat on the chair he had offered her earlier. He rested his elbows on his knees and looked up at her again. “I’m going to officially post John as a knight-errant, it’s the best I can do for now. The King will accept that better than one of his knights running off. But knight-errants don’t train squires. I’ll see what I can do about reassignment for you….” He trailed off.
Struggling against tears, Elly was trembling from the ache in her heart. The thought of training with anyone else seemed impossible. A long pause hung between them before she found her voice again. “Is that all, milord?”
Seeing the pain in her eyes, he nodded. “You’re relieved of duty for today. Get some rest.”
Clapping her fist over her heart in salute, she turned sharply and retreated from the room.
Gone… He was gone…
Her jaw and fists clenched tightly, Elly stormed back through the halls. She burst through the doors leading into the archery yard. Stumbling across the grass, she fell to her knees behind one of the targets where no one could see her.
She had never felt so alone. He’d left without any word at all to her. Fear for him and anger at him twisted her stomach, but neither could compare to the simple pain of his absence. She buried her face in her hands as the sobs overtook her.